end of summer

a short story

Her nails were bitten down to stumps; chipped black polish heightened the gruesome look of her bloody fingertips. Her heart felt permanently in a state of distress; most days, she hung somewhere on the precipice of tears and panic. Nervous thoughts bounced across the spaces of her brain relentlessly; there was little rest for the anxiety inside of her.

Today was no different. She sat in a bright green lawn chair, trying her best to cherish the first signs of fall; the sun still hung bright in the sky, but a crispness lingered in the air as a reminder of the ever changing seasons. She talked about the weather and the news; she danced and laughed with her friends to the sounds of an end of summer concert. She tried her best to ignore the beating in her brain, the whisper telling her to worry; it all felt familiarly forced. She’d spent every second, for as long as she could remember, warding off an inner darkness, a sense of desperation and despair that seemed to lurk in even the most subconscious corners of her mind. She counted through the reasons not to worry; an inner monologue played through her head, rehearsed, completely memorized by now, a series of things she could tell herself to try to calm down. She focused all of her energy on only this moment, urging her inherent anxieties away. She reminded herself constantly that today was a good day, trying in vain to quiet the anxious whispers in the back of her mind.

Concert crowd, hands up, toned

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badlands review

Badlands from Ashley Frangipane, better known as Halsey, is the electro alt pop convergence you’ve been waiting for.

Halsey

Fewer albums have held such interesting and entertaining capacity for me. I love any artist who creates a concept album; the artistry behind Badlands seems instantly enhanced by the thought and detail of the world inside of Halsey’s mind. There’s an eclecticism to the collection of tracks that keeps you from ever getting bored as Halsey takes you on a tour through this imaginary city.

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rate me, [vali]date me

I was a junior in high school. My best friend and I sat on the tops of desks, talking to a guy in a Spanish class.

This wasn’t a guy we were into. He was funny, he was decent looking, but we truly were just passing the time. We talked about everything with this guy. He had become our free pass into the world of a man.

My best friend was petite and beautiful, part Korean with just enough ethnicity to make her look dark and mysterious. She had more confidence than anyone I’d ever met.

I was awkward to say the least. I was clutching onto this best friend’s coat tails trying my hardest to be accepted by the cool crowd. My hair never seemed to lay right, and I had no idea how to properly apply eyeliner. Continue reading

some summer songs

woah, alliteration! new music Friday or whatever brought us a couple things. so before you head out for a Friday night with friends, or a sunny Saturday filled with fun, check yourself and make sure you’ve got the right new tracks added to your summer playlist. here’s the scoop: da boys be ballin’ (and Ina Wroldsen deserves some credit) wanna dance? wanna fall in love? wanna make babies with your summer fling?? Continue reading

i got better: a thank you to bleachers

I am always listening to music.

It seems like whenever I’m listening to music, I’m always listening to Bleachers.

Sometimes I am listening to be listening, and sometimes I am feeling.

A year ago, I was on the front end of what was a really bad year in a lot of ways. I felt lost and lonely and broken.

Jack Antonoff and Bleachers just celebrated Strange Desire’s first birthday, so I think now is a good time to write a long overdue thank you note.

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try on more shoes: thoughts on racist america

So America, we’ve been talking a lot about race lately, and I think that’s great. I think equality is a wonderful, yet dizzying concept.

I read an article by Nylon about a guy on Tumblr who takes popular movies and edits them down to only the lines spoken by people of color; the results, as you would expect, are glaringly short snippets from incredibly popular movies like The Fault in Our Stars and Her. Reading about it is disappointing, and reminds me of how great it would be to live in a society where that guy didn’t feel the need to point out such a problem. Kendrick Lamar Album CoverAnd then there was the release of Kendrick Lamar‘s video for Alright, which caused conservative, white media to actually just die. A beautifully done, chilling video chock full of depth and symbolism representing what Kendrick Lamar perceives to be true regarding racial injustice in our modern society.

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