it’s raining men (for kaitlyn + britt)

A FIRST IMPRESSION: BACHELORETTE SEASON 11

So, I know I’m a tad bit behind on this; I got a similar post for Chris’s season out the day photos were released, but whatever, I’ve been all over the place, and idgaf.

Despite my inability to be timely, I’m hella hype about this post. Why you may ask? Because I nailed Chris’s ladies without reading a single spoiler; just a quick look through pics and a few little facts and I had several of them figured out.

No, I didn’t guess he’d propose to Whitney in the end; I’m not sure if I noticed her at all in my first impression post, but I did pretty well.

What makes me even more excited about this post? They’re guys this time! Praise the Lord, perusing through a bevy of attractive men is so much more fun than a lineup of women who make me look like a bag of trash.

One last thing before I get started, I didn’t write a post like this for Andi’s guys, but I do remember thinking most of their jobs sounded a little ludicrous, most notably the profession of the guy who became my all time favorite Bachelor affiliated show contestant. With that in mind, I absolutely reserve the right to change my mind a thousand times throughout this season.

Britt and Kaitlyn

Whatever happens, I’m hype to watch both Kaitlyn and Britt fall in love. More hype for Kaitlyn, but trying very hard to tolerate Britt. Here’s to more of Chris Harrison, men obsessing over flowers more than they ever naturally should, and an undoubtedly interesting, probably most dramatic, eleventh season of the best show on television.

Absolute actual first thought: Ughhh, they’re not that hot, I’m kind of disappoint…THERE’S A NEW JJ. 

*does dance of irrational excitement inside of head*

Second thought: The first two guys are 6’4, God is good. Amen.

Basing guesses solely off looks is a lot harder than it was with Chris’s ladies. Actually this whole post is incredibly difficult since I HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS IS GONNA GO. It’s bothering me just a tiny bit that I don’t know exactly how the whole two bachelorettes thing is gonna work, can you tell?

For whatever reason, maybe because he’s the first listed, I wanna give someone Ben H. It took a lot of deliberation to even decide who he would go better with, I mean, I’m just staring at a bunch of headshots and trying to determine who would be soulmates. I’m going with Kaitlyn though. There’s something about his demeanor that gives off a laid-back vibe, and Kaitlyn came off as by far the lower maintenance of the two girls.

Ben H.

Ben H., 26, Software Salesman

Now that I’ve chosen Kaitlyn’s go based only on looks, it’s even harder to choose Britt’s. It doesn’t help that I base this sort of thing off of someone who looks similar to the bachelor(ette) in question, and I think Britt is so incredibly beautiful that no one looks on her level. I’m gonna go with Chris though. It’s a pretty bold choice, since I think his picture is a little bit bad, but when I hold my phone, with Britt’s headshot, up next to my laptop, with his headshot, they just look like they work. Plus how weird would it be if she ends up with another Chris!?

Chris

Chris, 28, Dentist

Now let’s talk about how disappointed I am by these guys looks. Like, I’m probably not even gonna read the bios of the guys I don’t think are very attractive. So here’s a list of guys I’m immediately not into with maybe some occasional snarky commentary.

THE HARDEST OF PASSES:

  • Brady: he looks like he has the personality of Rufus from Gossip Girl, like as in old, washed up, wanna be cool musician; and like really, maybe it’s just me, but why does he look like he’s 40?
  • Clint: the hair, no. It didn’t work for Dylan during Andi’s season, and it’s not working now. Bye Felicia, err, Clint.
  • Corey: looks like an old gay man. Old gay men are fine, but not for America’s most eligible women to search for love with. I’m hopeful it’s just poor photography.
  • Jared: face too angular. That’s enough to get you sent home when there are 24 men with less pointy jawlines.

Bachelorette No List 1

From left: Brady, Corey, Jared

  • Joe: his forehead is made to look even larger by his haircut. He’s rivaling Peyton Manning for world’s largest forehead, and Peyton only pulls it off because, well, he’s Peyton Manning. Joe is not.
  • Josh: his squinty eyes are irritating me. (Note: When clicking his profile very briefly to acquire a photo for this post, I noticed he’s a stripper. Kay, bye.)
  • Kupah: is bald therefore is a no.
  • Shawn E.: a terrible, terrible attempt at a new adult male blonde of that name, unacceptable, ABC. Our hearts can only handle one true blonde heartthrob. (Another note: he’s an amatuer sex coach; so glad he’s on the no list.)
  • Tony: see Clint.

Bachelorette No List 2

From left: Joe, Josh, Shawn E.

Ughhh, I’m looking back through them, and I wanna add a million more to this list. I’m like, almost repulsed by this season’s guys. I will not add anymore though, and I will hope that all of these are just kind of terrible photos and they have the type of awesome personalities that Andi’s guys had.

There are definitely some decent options. And after reading through their bios, I’ve discovered two things: this group really likes Dumb and Dumber and they seem a lot more tolerable once you read about them.

GUYS I ACTUALLY REALLY LIKE:

  • Shawn B.: I wanna personally call dibs on Shawn for myself; I wanna hope that he’s this season’s JJ for me despite the fact that he likes country music, which is a bfd. He’s good looking without being overwhelming perfect, think Josh Murray-esque, and all of his answers are perfect. You can tell he’s a family man, and a sweetheart, and I WANT HIM, you know, if things don’t work out on the show.
  • Cory: Cory is awesome despite his pretty paltry questionnaire answers. His was the first bio I clicked on because, like Shawn B., he looks attractive without being too good looking, and I personally am into him. He’s also older than most of them, which means it’s not at all surprising that I’d like him because I have “too old for me” radar like nobody else, but I think that could be great for Kaitlyn or Britt who are both nearing 30.
  • Ben Z.: I wanted to pick him as a first impression guy, but I was afraid it was because both Ben’s are the first guys I saw, and also because he just didn’t quite match up with either of them. I do like his looks though, his smile makes him seem like a really genuine guy. From his bio, you can sort of guess that his mom is dead, so we can expect some waterworks if he makes it far enough. He seems a little like the Brian Osborne of this pack, but better looking and taller, so yeah, a win for everyone.
  • Ben H.: I still liked him after reading his info, and even though I’ve already talked about him, I have to add that he makes my short list almost entirely because he listed 500 Days of Summer as a favorite movie, and there is nothing better than a guy who will admit to liking movies like that. It’s great, therefore he must be great.

Bachelorette Faves

From left: Shawn B., Cory, Ben Z.

Well ladies and gents, more than likely mostly ladies, that’s about all I can gather from such a small amount of information. I’m looking forward to seeing how this new dynamic will work, and seeing if my first impressions are remotely on base. See ya back here sometime around May 18th for a recap of the premiere/update of my thoughts.

While you wait, let me know what you think of my guesses and opinions in the comments below. Tell me who I misjudged or missed completely. Let’s here it Bachelor Nation.

Photo Credits: all 

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