Don’t hate me for posting this on Wednesday instead of Tuesday. I do what I want. Get over it. I’ll try harder next time to be a more timely blogger.
At the risk of it becoming a recurring theme, I’m going to again talk about my title before I actually talk about anything else.
I am personally more fond of Corn Pablo as a nickname for this season’s bachelor, Chris Soules, but it seems that people respond more positively to a name that doesn’t bring Juan Pabs to mind. Trust me, it’s not that I liked Juan Pablo at all, I just think Corn Pablo is hilarious and whoever came up with it is my new best friend. Called it. Dibs. We’re bff’s now whoever you are.
Now to the real stuff. Here’s week one of The Bachelor season 19 in a nutshell:
Thanks to the whole live red carpet viewing party, we were all robbed of reading Sean Lowe’s entertaining take on the episode live via Twitter. I was thoroughly disappointed, but I’ll let it slide since we did all get to see Sean and Catherine be perfect as usual, and see Lacy Faddoul as ditzy as ever. Thanks for that ABC. I don’t know what I would do without her bad math skills in my life.
After a veryyyyy long hour of seeing several Bachelor alums who were NOT JJ O’Brien, the first limo finally arrived. And the shit show began.
Was it just me, or were these girls more ridiculous than usual? I mean, there are some bright spots on the roster of ladies vying for Farmer Chris’s heart, but there were also a lot of really terrible ones.
Fortunately for all of us watching at home, nothing is funnier than watching the hot mess express pull into station when it’s someone other than us on board. Tara. I’m definitely talking about Tara.
Not just Tara though, the onion girl really took the cake. What drug was she on, and who is her dealer? Kidding. She was too psychotic for my taste. The fact that a metaphor in which every person is an onion turned into actually seeing an onion, which turned out to be a pomegranate, actually slayed me the entire episode. I’m actually still laughing. “If it’s a pomegranate then God bless it,” was without a doubt THE soundbite of the episode. I mean, Chris could’ve straight up proposed to one of the girls on the spot, and my favorite part would still be the pomegranate thing.
In other news, that crazy eyed ballerina went home, so we can all rejoice.
Other than that, I genuinely have little to say.
Props to Britt for getting that first impression rose and more importantly that first kiss, but just ask my boy Nick, the target on her back now is real.
I’m still really a fan of both Jade and Becca, as I mentioned in my first impression post a few weeks ago when the contestant list was released. But ultimately it’s way too early to tell, I mean JJ O’Brien wasn’t even my favorite after week one, I definitely didn’t like Nick, and I thought Dylan Pettit would be sent home right away. One night is not enough.
I am however, very excited to see what goes down in that tent that they showed on the preview. I have a feeling it’s a lot of hype. I have a feeling this will not actually be the most dramatic season ever, but who am I to say.
I’m looking forward to watching the season unfold, and just love the fact that Monday night we may have watched Chris meet the woman he’ll one day marry.
In closing, I really wish I could give you all a rose for reading this, but since I can’t I’ll leave you with this fun acrostic poem I wrote to summarize The Bachelor. Enjoy!
A lot of women
Chris Harrison hosts
Hand holding, kissing, and maybe the Fantasy Suite if you get lucky
Everybody should watch because it’s the most wonderful show
Love is the goal, albeit sometimes unlikely
On its 19th season
Roses are kind of a big deal
Let me hear all your thoughts on Monday night’s episode in the comments below. Were you a fan of the live red carpet footage? Are you digging Chris so far? Which girls did you like or dislike right away and why? Did Chris send anyone home or keep anyone you thought he shouldn’t have? Let’s hear it people.