Oh my gosh guys, the moment we’ve all been waiting for is here. Holy sweet baby Jesus, oh my Lord, there are tears coming out of my eyes from excitement.
I am a HUGE fan of the ABC reality dating hits The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, and while I’ve been actively avoiding spoilers for Iowa farmer Chris Soules’s season, today the multiple producers of the show that I so avidly follow on social media platforms posted this lovely shot of the many incredibly beautiful women who will be vying for Chris’s heart on the show’s 19th season.
*cue the inexplicable need to workout for ever*
I’ve been anxiously awaiting any official information on the upcoming season since Josh put that enormous rock on Andi’s hand, and Nick broke the cardinal rule of The Bachelor/Bachelorette. What happens in the fantasy suite no longer stays in the fantasy suite, my friends. Bachelor in Paradise was nice, but I’ve been dying for information on Chris’s season, so when I saw the producers promoting it, I took a quick trip over to ABC’s website to find, of all things, the hallowed cast list of 30 singles who want to be a hunky farmer’s wife.
Naturally, I did what any normal person would do and analyzed, criticized, and judged the shit out of every single contestant. I’m not above this type of behavior. Sure, it’s more fun when it’s The Bachelorette because then I have a ton of hot men to look at, and I’m also really against girl on girl crime. Nonetheless, below you can find my thoughts on season 19’s lovely contestants.
Before we begin, it should be noted that I did the same thing with Andi’s list of eligible men before her season of The Bachelorette, and I don’t remember Chris at all. I do remember calling JJ O’Brien a hobo because “pantsapreneur” is a made up job title, which must have meant he was jobless. Now I am mildly obsessed with him and the clothing company he owns because it turns out he does have a job, so don’t take my thoughts too seriously, or hold me to them. I pride myself on changing my mind at least eleven times daily.
Based solely off of scrolling through their head shots, I like Becca for him. Both Chris and Des and Josh and Andi look really similar to each other, so I have a theory that people are naturally attracted to those who look similar to themselves. Chris and Becca have a similar skin tone and both have dirty blonde hair; these are the things love is made of, guys.
Becca, 26, Chiropractic Assistant
Also regarding appearance, I noticed that several look relatively similar to Andi with their long, dark locks, but of course none of them sport Andi’s signature frown. Still, if the dark hair is Chris’s thing, then my pick out of the Andi lookalikes is Jade. She just looks way more relaxed, laid back, and less high maintenance than most of the girls, and while Chris is absolutely loaded, he’s obviously the low key type who’d be into that chill vibe. To me, she looks like she could be this season’s Renee, and I loved Renee.
Jade, 28, Cosmetics Developer
Let me remind you, that was all deduced only from looking at a head shot of each girl. It’s more than likely wrong, really wrong. Now what I thought based on their about pages.
Too High Maintenance:
- Amanda – can’t live without shopping.
- Nikki – misspelled Will Ferrell, which doesn’t actually make her high maintenance, but is offensive, so she can leave now.
- Samantha – people who know how much their tiny dog weighs are too much to handle.
From left: Amanda, Nikki, Samantha
- Ashley I – knows football, seems so down to earth.
- Becca – can’t live without Netflix, Californian, hilarious; already hoping Chris doesn’t pick her, so she can be the next Bachelorette
- Michelle – she just seems incredibly sweet, and her taste in movies is perfectly well-rounded. (Side note: I bet she’s shows up the first night with a cake.)
- Jade – OMG she’s perfect. Just read her bio and love her please.
- Trina – a special education teacher who refers to diarrhea as “di-di,” she just seems to sweet not to love.From left: Ashley I, Michelle, Trina
Loose Cannon, Crazypants of the Season:
- Jordan – would be Britney Spears for a day, the same Britney Spears who shaved her head once…
Whewww, 30 women is a lot to look through. I’m sure Chris will have his work cut out for him, but I’m incredibly excited to see which of my predictions are accurate as the season unfolds, and hopefully watch Chris find the love of his life. The season premieres January 5th at 8/7c, which means we’re only a month away.
What are your first impressions of Chris’s contestants? Agree with me? Disagree? Who do you think America’s favorite farmer will fall for? Let me know in the comments.